The Looking Glass

Bird of prey

2011-06-25T22:48:00.001+05:30

To soar and fly
To dream and die
To live like no other
To dance like a star
I'm a bird of prey
Kill me, with a bullet to my heart
And not a bullet through my wings
To just make me fall to the ground

Dream?

2011-05-17T23:36:00.001+05:30

When your eyes are closed
And you dream a dream
You're just seeing how
You want life to be

It's a shadow of your tomorrow
It's a lightning look at your sorrow
Only if we could achieve our dreams
Only if we had the power to...

The power to set our thoughts free
The power to go beyond our dreams
The power to think clearly
The power to love dearly

If we only had a teardrop
That we could hold onto without a splash
Then we'd maybe see what life could be
If only our thoughts could be free

But we all are little tear drops
Defined by the places where we land up
So hard to find it in ourselves
To find a different form to beget

No you're right it is just me
Too many thoughts running carelessly
I hate definitions and equations
I love free-flowing prose and different solutions

Deep inside of me I'm a little girl
Purple, pink are my theme colours
Don't tell me yet about boundaries
I'm still a virgin thought, don't touch me..

Ek des hai aisa..

2009-04-17T00:30:00.003+05:30

Ek des hai aisa jiski yaad bohot aati hai..
Ek des hai aisa jiski yaad bohot aati hai..
Zyada nahi hai wahaan..
Chand tuti chudiyaan aur thake hue chehre
Rang hai magar tuti chudiyon mein bhi
Muskaan halki, haare chehron par bhi
Sangharsh hai roz jivan se ek
Kahani hai ek, har khel ke peeche
Chal rahi hai jaisi saari duniya ki saasein ek disha mein
Aisi jagah hai kahin is saari duniya mein bhi
Ek des hai aisa is duniya mein bhi..

Ek des hai aisa jiski yaad bohot aati hai
Wahan harjeev ek vyakti hai
Aur har vyakti ki pehchaan
Use Kehna nahi padta cheekhkar yeh
Uska har bhaav hai uski pehchaan
Dekhte hain auron ko bhi chalte chalte
Manushya ke samudra mein bhi
Chehre yaad rehte hain unhe
Yeh log hain aise, inke dilon mein hai aanch
Gar chupna ho duniya se bhi
Toh aisi jagah hai inke paas
Apne gharon mein, apne dilon mein
Panaah de jo tumhe
Aisa des hai kahin khaas
Ek des hai aisa
Jiski yaad bohot.. bohot aati hai..

Mera ang hai woh
Mera rang hai woh
Uska hissa hoon main
Uska vartamaan bhi main
Uski dhadkan bhi main
Uska vikaas bhi main
Uska pran bhi main
Uska balidaan bhi main
Hai aisa ek des kahin is saari duniya mein
Ek des hai aisa jiski yaad bohot aati

Mere apno ko samaye baitha hai jo apne aap mein
Ek des hai aisa kahin, jiska chand bhi main aur daag bhi
Ek hai jagah kaahin aisi, jahan malmal aur mitti ki chahat hai ek jaisi
Mera antarman rehta abhi bhi us des mein hai
Ek hai des aisa jiski yaad bohot aati hai..

2009-02-15T04:06:00.000+05:30

Ibaadat nawazti hai bande ko mohabbat ke noor se
Jhaank khud mein tera pyar nahi door hai tujhse
Jee kar bhi marte hain ek duje ke liye
Bas wahin chahat pak maan
Jo jalti hai saaye mein bhi hoor ki tarah
Ishq, jurm, haqeeqat, zindagi
Chalte hain ek duje ke daayre mein
Qatl na kar apne khwabon ka aaj tu
Jee lene de ek din aur us mein kisiko
Tera naam, tera wajood, teri pehchaan jo kehlata hai
Aankhon se teri duniya woh mehsus karta hai
Jo dekhe tu khubsurat wadiyan jalti dhoop mein bhi
Rahat use milegi us pal ki kahin door tak bhi
Khuda ke bande na maan har tu zindagi ki kisi bandish se
Sar-e-aam utha le har sitam kandhon par
Ke shayad kahin woh khush reh paaye aur ek pal kahin
Seemayein langh tu, vishal kadam chal
Jeevan ki agneepath pe, nidar ho kar chal

2009-02-12T00:05:00.002+05:30

Ae kaash ke dil se nikalti dard ki awaz
Aur keh paati tumse ke aanch hai kitni uski aag mein
Jal jal ke dono aah tak na de paaye
Kaisi chah ne karvat li humari

Teri parchayi mein dhoondti hoon apne aap ko
Tujhse juda phir bhi chalti hoon main
Hai ya nahi zindagi abhi bhi meri
Keh na paaun yakeen se main mann ko

Yeh mann tujhe kyun chahe
Iska koi jawaab nahi mere paas
Tera saath chhodkar bhi tera rahe
Iski koi wajah nahi hai khaas

Par taqdeer teri rahegi mere dil ki
Aur bandish yeh judi rahegi gham ki
Dur se saaye nazar aate hain khaak ke
Kismat yeh meri hai tere zindagi ki nahi

Tujhse hone na dungi gile koi
Na aane dungi kisi aanch ki garmi tujhpar
Allah ke rehm-o-karam rehte hain bande par
Hifaazat teri rahe mera dharam

Gar na jaana tune na samjha tune
Tab bhi koi shikva na hoga
Har nazm mein yaad tujhko karenge
Har geet ki ghazal tujhse banayenge

Ittefaaq na tha yeh mera tujhse milna
Milkar yeh jaana ke khuda bhi tu, parvar digaar bhi tu hai mera
Iqbal-e-jurm ho gayi mohabbat jaise
Takhir hoti jo nikal jaate teri raah se

Insaan hai hum
Galatiyaan karke seekhte hain
Gir gir kar sambhale hain zindagi mein
Tere jivan ko kya savarenge

Lau bujhne na denge
Dil mein apne
Magar jalne na denge
Tujhe iski aag mein

Pyaar yeh kaisa hai humara
Pyar yeh kaisa hai humara
Teri khushi meri khushi
Par mere gham kyun tere gham?

First

2008-12-09T05:48:00.002+05:30

From the moment I first met you
In the second I first heard you speak
The first time you said my name
The first time I looked in your eyes

The first time you came back for me
The first time we didn't need to speak
The first time you turned around and looked at me
The first night we didn't sleep

The first phone call I hated missing
The first dream I dreamt of you
The first pang of jealousy
The first inkling of loneliness

The first rain that wet us both
The first time we rowed that boat
The first escape before dawn
The first lie we told at home

The first fight we ever had
The first sorry we ever said
The first wild goose chase I sent you on
The first time you came despite all odds

The first time I broke free for you
The first time I walked out of my door for you
The first time I wore make-up for a man
The first time I swore never again

The first time you smiled after a fight
The first time we kissed on a pretty, warm night
The first time we parted ways
The first time we swore we'd never see each other's face

The first time I thought back to that moment
The first moment when I met you
The first time I made the first move
The first time you took me seriously too

The first time you stepped back from me
The first time I took my first steps towards you
The first time you finally opened your heart
The first time you ever told me I was the reason for it all

The first time we held hands since
The first long walk we took alone
The first meeting of our mind and souls
The first exchange of our heart's warm glow

The first long night we spent alone
The first moment when we were sure
The first time you asked me to marry you
The first time I looked up and knew you were true

They all go back to that first moment years ago
The moment I first knew it was you, not so long ago
A different love we've found ourselves
A different reason to go on, to walk till the end....

2008-11-22T04:40:00.002+05:30

Tumhari main

Kehkar karti thi har khat ka ant

Jaana kab tha isse pehle

Ke koi aur kabhi us naam mein bhi dhal jaaye

Jagah meri zindagi mein tere

Koi aur bhi kabhi le paaye

Tez jitna soche koi

Utna aur sab kuch dhundla lagta hai

Jab bhi kisi cheez ka matlab samajhne ki koshish karein

Thoda aur dur woh humse ho jaaye

Lakh kehne aur karne par bhi

Kuch koshishein kaafi nahi hoti

Ban jaate hain hum phir woh chote bachche

Jinki kabhi koi khwahish puri nahi hoti...

2008-11-22T04:33:00.002+05:30

Dard ki har aah se nikalta ek shabd hai

Chah ke har gham se ek kavita

Dil ke har ghaanv se ek nishani pyaar ki

Meri har likhavat mein chupa tera ek chehra

Tere pehluon ke rang se

Bharti hoon main kagaz pe kagaz

Tere har ehsaas ko lekar

Banati hoon ek nayi kahani

Soch ki gehrai se lekar

Khayal ke aasman tak

Le jaati hoon main in lafzon ko

Par hai yeh gham se jude hi kyun?

Kyun nahi bante kisi khushi ki nishani?

2008-11-22T04:17:00.002+05:30

Waqt ne ek din aa kar mujhse mera sab kuch maang liya

Mana kaise karti, tha saara usika toh diya

Par kabhi kabhi koi cheez zindagi ban jaati hai

Zarurat se bhi zyaada koi shabd ban jaati hai

Tera aana bhi ek ittefaq

Tera jaana shayad tera ittefaq ho

Jo hua mere saath kuch der pehle

Woh shayad tere saath kahin aur ho

Waqt ko nazar andaz kar ke hi chalo

Nahi toh waqt se aage kaise dekh paaoge

Ek din meri bahon mein

Duje din sirf meri nigaahon mein

Kaise reh paaoge

Pyaar ke har haseen pal ki shuruvat tere naam se hoti hai

Ant kisi aur ke hawale kaise kar dun, keh de...

Kahani teri meri yahin toh khatam ho nahi sakti...

Rakhungi yeh moti sambhale

Shayad kisi din milkar piro dein hum inhe...

2008-11-14T21:34:00.002+05:30

tere saath toh main hamesha hi thi
par zarurat tujhe shayad kisi aur ki thi
apna sab kuch bhi de diya tujhe maine
apne aap ko tere hawale kar diya maine
par yakeen ek pal tujhe mujhpar na tha
kaise dilati tujhe aur kya kehti tujhe main
samjha nahi apna ek pal bhi tune mujhe
keh diya raah mein bohot hain
dikha diya teri chaah mein bohot hain
aankhein kholi meri tune
jab woh pal guzar jaata hai na
toh saath sab le jaata hai
kuch aur thi main kuch pal pehle
koi aur hun main kuch hi palon mein
teri baaton pe yakeen karun kaise
jab meri sachhai ka yakeen tujhe ho na saka
dil aur jaan dono tere haathon mein dekar bhi
tu ek pal ke liye bhi mera ho na saka
shayad tum bas apne ho
aur baaki saare mehmaan hai tumhare
shayad main tumhari chahat kabhi ban na sakun
kam se kam yeh ehsaas hai
ke humraaz kuch pal ki thi tumhari
koi haq kisiko kaise deta hai
koi haq kisika kaise nahi
yeh lafz zahir nahi kiya karte
jab waqt aa jaata hai kisi rishte ka
toh us rishte ki umr woh khud hi keh deta hai
tumse mili har khushi sar aankhon par
aur har gham tumhe yaad karne ki wajah banayenge
galatiyan aaj ki hain humne
phir kabhi hum inhe na dohrayenge

kyun...

2008-11-14T20:57:00.002+05:30

jab sab kho jaata hai toh nazrein kaise milate hain apne aap se
jab sab chale jaatein hai toh manch khali sa kyun lagta hai
kisike hone na hone se duniya kyun banti hai
dil ke khone se khushiyan kyun milti hain
jab aate hain akele toh kisika milna zaruri kyun hota hai
bewafa jab itne hote hain toh wafa karna zaruri kyun hota hai
yun toh shayar hum nahi magar dil ke tutne se kavita kyun banti hai
tum nahi toh main kyun hoti hun
hum nahi toh sab kyun hota hai
sab kho kar bhi hum the aur ab sab ho kar bhi hum nahi
dur reh kar bhi pyaar tha, paas reh kar do ajnabi ban gaye
jo mere dil mein tha woh tum mein kyun na ho saka
jo hamare liye socha tha woh hamara kyun na ho saka
kyun sapne dekhte hain hum agar un mein pura hone ki shakti nahi
kyun kehte hain kisiko apna agar hum mein unhe chahne ki bhakti nahi
har pal jo socha tha tumko woh tum the hi nahi yeh jaana kyun humne
har pal jo humse banta tha woh hum kuch tha hi nahi yeh samjha humne
aankhein khulti hai toh phir der se kyun
raat bhi hoti hai toh phir woh kat jati nahi kyun
intezaar karte karte nazre thak jaayein magar guzre pal phir wahin nahi hote
zindagi ke har faisle sahi kyun nahi hote
nasamjhi kyun ban jaatein hain hum ek pal mein
jise jaan kar baithe the woh ajnabi kyun ban jaatein hain
kehne nahi dete kisiko ek lafz tumhare khilaaf
phir ek pal mein mere maayne kaise badalne dete ho tum
jab khamosh rehna tha toh keh rahe the pyaar karte ho tum
aur ab khamoshi jaan le rahi hai toh mud ke bhi na dekh rahe ho tum
rukti nahi yeh chalne wali saansein kyun apne aap
kyun mere siddhant mujhe chod nahi dete ek pal apne saath
behna chahun main agar samay ki dhara mein
toh samay kyun mujhe maat dene ki koshish kar raha hai
har cheez jise pooja maine woh kyun mera saath chod raha hai
agar pyaar hi sab kuch hai, vishwaas hi sab kuch hai
toh tutne kyun dete hain hum inhe
agar hum tum ek duniya hai
toh chootne kaise dete hai raah mein hum inhe
kagaz par kagaz bhar doon sawalon se
par jawab milne se raha mujhe
ke kisike hone se duniya kyun banti hai
ke dil ke khone se khushiyan kyun judi hoti hain...

Bitterness and lies.

2008-11-14T18:39:00.002+05:30

Have you ever felt
Like someone stole your happiness
And wondered when you gave them the right
And then why at all in the first place.
If your heart was yours
Would it be broken at all?
If the dreams were yours
Would you let them be bared for all?
Piece by piece, your peace taken away.
Sleepless nights spent trying to keep the demons away
Loss and doom, loom large
The sight of the horizon now lost, now found.
Fumbling along the path,
There's darkness all around
Even the sun backs off and says
I'm not the one you need right now
Sometimes you have to fight some battles alone
Sometimes all you have is you
Sometimes the only one you can be proud of is yourself
Look up at the sky and wonder how
One individual in the scheme of it all
Could have so much power
Wonder when you gave it to them and how
Wonder if it's all worth it somehow.
Looking for reasons and finding none
A lonely struggle is life
Echoing loudly in your ears
Searching for something, forever walking
Oh I must sit down, I must find a field
High and low I search
But the sun avoids me
Damp seeps into my bone
Slowly but doggedly.
Two times the trouble, two times the pain
Two times the fog, two times the rain.
I wait alone, wait for someone to come
A warm hand through the clouds
A warm body to hold.
Expectations alone, I clasp to my throat
Still walking alone, powerless
Looking for a place I can call home.

My kind of guy...

2008-11-09T05:54:00.003+05:30

Shhh.. I'm you're sweetheart and yes you're mine
You're the kind of guy I knew I wanted since I was nine
Sparkling eyes and a secret to tell
You wanted me, oh yes, I knew so well...

Silly poems and weird lines
I wrote it all so I could make you mine
Walked in my footsteps, you held my hand
You told the world, that you were my man

You're the kind of guy, who'd stay up till four
Waiting for me to finish my book written by some old bore
Watch me crinkle my eyes and smile back at you
Pull up the sheet and curl up next to you
You come close to me and tell me my perfume smells sexy
I tell you right back I'm not wearing any
You pull me even closer and you tell me that's what you see
An honesty beyond my years and the total lack of common courtesy
You hold me tight and tell me you don't
Take me seriously when the whole world does
Isn't that refreshing and isn't that cool
You'd be the only one of whom I'd believe that true
Because you're the kind of guy who made me feel proud
Of everything I'd done, tell me that until I was worn out

You're my kind of guy, you are my man
I saw you grow up and I know you'll stay till the end
Far and wide, I searched high and low
Literally tried it all, never learned to take it slow
You taught me the meaning of
All good things come in their own time
You made me wait, and you were alone the one who pulled it off.

You're that kind of guy who tried my patience
Made me pull my hair out, made me hate you with a vengeance
But behind it all, there was a true love
Made me say silly things, made me do even worse
At last, in the end, I faced myself
Looked me in the eye and told myself
You're that kind of guy, I knew I had to have
The only kind of guy, who'd ever grow up to be my man.

And look what we have today,
Look, we actually made it...
Who'd have thought we'd get through it all,
But I, I just knew you were my kind of guy...
The only one who'd make sure we made it..
I love you...

Eternity in a moment...

2008-11-08T03:45:00.006+05:30

Sometimes love is so whole and overpowering that nothing else seems significant in life. Words flow from my fingertips as I write this. All sense of my senses lost, all magnitude of the world forgotten. We love but once in our lives. Who said only swans mate once in a lifetime. I have a love too. And I'm determined to make it last a lifetime. Spirits, uplifting experiences, mysticism, I only have to feel love to feel all of these. That sense of being lost in space and yet not lonely can only be arrived at through a careful and carefree renunciation of all that is not love. Hate, resentment, spite, jealousy, all forgotten in that sweeping sense of the justice of love. A balance that swings only one way cannot be human and yet who else can speak of love but us? The closest we'll ever get to being one with a creator is by closing our eyes and listening to the voice of love speaking. Have you ever heard it sing? Does it remind you of anyone? Sometimes things break inside us. We never believe we'll be whole again. A feeling of abandonment, a rock and a hard place. Have you ever hit the last step and felt you would die or watched the world spin around as we tried to understand? Seeking answers from blank eyes, eyes that showed a thinking long stopped. Why would we want to believe in a world again? Why would we think of trusting someone again? Of trusting eyes that had no recognition of who you were, crying your heart out everytime you thought about it. Then one day you wake up and meet a new purpose. A happy accident that you never thought would happen to you. Gently building up the foundation of your new resolve. Everything else above ground you already had prepared to show. The hollowness inside you felt after each day was gone. There was someone to care come rain or shine. All your happinesses and sorrows you had a conspirator to tell. Suddenly the only trust that mattered was yours without doubt. You tried and tried to escape the unlikeliness of it all. You tried and tried to tell yourself this couldn't all be yours. But it stayed with you, stayed faithful then as it remains truly yours now, ever more than then. All your personal hell has ceased to be. Your demons now have ceased to prey. Your soul again became bit by bit, a picture of wholeness, neither contrived nor contrite. A smile that starts in your eyes, several secrets that are yours alone. You're happy in the knowledge now, that someone somewhere waits for you alone. Those days of coming home to an empty home, or worse yet coming home to deathly silences, when you knew there was an evil foreboding, I always knew, do you know the feeling? But now that time has passed me by. And now without question, I'm yours and mine. You made me love, not just you but me. You gave me love, to last an eternity.

Stone walls and water deities!!

2008-08-18T11:04:00.010+05:30

The Sahyadris have always held mystique for me. An unknown beckoning that calls me every time my happy feet decide to journey. This time, however, I was a most unwilling traveller along that path. Goa, Shiroda, Amboli, Kashid, Karwar, Tandeli - lots of places along the coast. I really thought I wanted to go to the beach. But of course, you don't journey to the Sahyadris, they bring you to their feet - that curious mixture of beauty, peace and thrill that forebodes adventure.

Sometimes you just have to let life lead you blindfolded, sometimes life's mysteries reveal themselves when you have your eyes closed and your imagination is doing the thinking. I think therefore I am, isn't always what defines us when we're using our imagination.

When we're young, it rains because angels are crying, flowers bloom because God is painting and butterflies carry secrets but when we grow older, there's no God, nature lives in picture books and butterflies wings often look beautiful when they're drawn crooked in our childrens' drawing books and life of course is mostly unfair. Going back to the Sahyadris reminds me that I'm on the same side as life depending on where I'm looking from. Walking in the clouds doesn't remain a myth and rolling, undulating plains between the foothills are places that kiss my bare feet. Each valley looks exactly like the other or maybe has a particular tree that's shaped like a rabbit, depending on where I'm looking at it from. Those streams, rivulets and waterfalls that I dreamt of when I dreamt of childhood picnics were coming alive and springing at my feet. Off the beaten path I went, into caves that were a thousand years old, walking through grass that the wind trimmed every once in a while. When I'm in my city, I think that the Sahyadris are home to the famed King Cobra but when I'm in that grass, I step gingerly to not hurt anyone's home. That awe and fear turns to respect for someone's space and concern for its well-being. They're suddenly not feared creatures but fellow beings that I dare not dismiss lightly. How that colour green can evoke so much happiness in my heart I wonder but breathing its shades and cleansing my soul with its notes seems like second nature when I'm rolling in it's beauty.

The colours of the Earth begin painting my soul and I wonder how I didn't fall in love before. I didn't have to look too far inside to find myself. My innermost seemed at my beck and call. How often do you feel free from judgment? Like no one in the world could hurt you or play with your exposed soul? Sometimes I think back to the moment, and I feel like I was in a giant bubble of earth with an invisible force protecting me from myself and everyone else. The sheer happiness of just being.

"Love is not that which alters when alteration finds", said Shakespeare. It is and shall remain that part of my soul which fire cannot burn, water cannot douse, nor can any and all of the viciousness in the world cleave. It is pure and shall remain so. It is more than a memory; it is a locked picture of immeasurable depth that I shall probably never find again.

I make the world as I saw it then sound like a goddess whose silhouette overshadowed the rest of my logical senses, it also did as I must add change the parameters of my world. It must have been the stone walls, the moment, the most unlikeliness of it all, the force of the water or the sheer overwhelming power of nature that overcame us. The colour red bore more significance than just the boldest colour in the palette of the world. It replaced all the other more virgin colours of my mind and changed my thinking and my life forever. Would it be that the wind would never know how it changed the face of the earth as it blew or the storm the colours of the sea or the monsoon unbeknownst fertilizing the earth, planting forever the seed of its fleeting presence? It rained that day, hard and long and unendingly. A whirlwind of colours and conflicting lights, a kaleidoscope minus a complete insight. Indicative of how a flick of a wrist changes a life.

I'm here now. Someone else altogether. No one would believe I was that barefooted girl on the grass or that the pictures were at all mine. I carry only with me a testament to all the moments in my heart. No one shall ever know, because I live with sense and sensibility now. The stone walls gave birth that day and held my secret with them, God knows how many secrets it held, how many quiet footsteps through there had passed. The romance of the moment shall never pass like the weather. What happened that morning shall remain with me forever. Maybe you're the man, you're wont to forget. But it's as clear in my mind as a moment I'm hardly likely to ever forget.

That grass, the stone, the ancient civilizations, they all know me now as they knew all those great footsteps that trespassed that land so many centuries ago. And I have my little piece of history, somewhere in a lost corner of the Sahyadris.

Reasoning..

2008-06-17T15:43:00.005+05:30

When I was a little girl
I thought the world had just two halves
One belonged to me
And the other was always too far.
When I was a little girl
The world was black and white
Other colours were on my palette
But none ever reached my mind.
But now I somehow know better
Guess that's what an education is about
Now I know that there are people in between
And that time is a relative muddle.
I now know that those I leave behind
May tomorrow be a part of me again
And I know that all my sorrows today
May be the source of my joy someday again.
This moment that I cherish now
May be my worst enemy someday
And time is a most fickle friend
Mine today, with someone else the next day.
And sometimes there are no right answers
And sometimes there's no brightness
And sometimes there's all this confusion
But after all that there's happiness.
After every sadness
I'll find a love to make me breathe again
After all my disappointments
I'll find my groove again.
And if I don't find my little place
I know I'll find you
With your outstretched arms and your calming smile
I'll know that it's just you.
I'll feel safe again and I'll learn to walk
In the face of all my fears
I'll learn to live again and love.
As I grow out of my shell
I'll find us all a way
It may not be that perfect
But it will surely be new.
Your strength and faith give me solace
Now I need not find a crutch
I can surely break my own shackles
And to top it all even yours.
Those colours in my mind,
I'll use to paint your life
Inconsequential sadnesses shall be left far behind.
Sometimes we take life seriously
A tad bit too often
I've learnt that we must move on
Learn to live a life without always looking for a reason.

Shhh...

2008-06-05T15:16:00.003+05:30

Blinking my eyes
Sheer disbelief writ large
Realization in a place within
And only a smile to show for it all.
Clean words cutting loose
No doubt it won't be the same
Sarcasm's on leave for now
Even though London's just a few miles away.
The distance is a joke
The harmony for me to keep.
A blown-up picture; testimony
And kohl-lined eyes, a morning treat.
Raining on the shutters
Warm fuzzies guarding me.
Plenty of cornflower blue
Overriding bold colours and brush strokes
Tenderly taking Van Gogh's bellissimo.
With finesse, I raise a leg
A temptress from a child
Bare skin inviting touch
Pink invading my eyes.
Candy floss on his fingers
Lightly wound into his mouth
A tongue caressing the leftover me
And finally darkness falls upon us....

2008-04-05T15:06:00.004+05:30

Farishton ki raah par nikal chalein the hum
Chand ki ek daal haathon mein liye
Taaron ki god mein soye... Jannat ke hawale...
Ek chaanv ki aadat pad jaye
Kaynat ki ibadat hai..
Baahon mein kashish na reh jaye
Tumhari badaulat hai..
Jis jahaan ka hissa aaj hain..
Kahin na kahin usike mohtaj-e-hukumat hain...

2008-02-28T00:47:00.002+05:30

Kahin koi aanch tum par aane na paaye iski dua hum subah shaam karte hain..
Kahin teri parchai dil se na utar jaaye iske agaah hum din raat rehte hain..
Par hai pyaar ka yeh rehnuma kaisa tera..
Hum jise muhabbat kehte hain usse tum wafadari ke naam se waqif ho..

2008-02-28T00:42:00.003+05:30

Sharif-un-nafson ki galiyon mein ye diwana kahan se aa pohoncha?
Chahat mein mar mitney wala ye napak kahan se aa guzra?
Tamiri hoti jo hum use ehsaas pagalpan ka dete..
Kambakht zamana bhi zaalim wahin raah mein use akela chod gaya..

2008-02-28T00:41:00.001+05:30

Koi shiqast apne maathe ki bana lena humko..
Ke dukh ke har pal mein saath rehna hai gawara humko..
Sukh bhale kahin aur baant lena..
Ghamon ka hissa banaye rakhna humko...

2008-02-28T00:38:00.003+05:30

Gustaakh nigahon ki saza aksar ashqon ko milti hai..
Toh ashqon ki saza kise mile?
Teri chaah mein jo mar mitey woh pal hum bhala kaise ginein?
Jo khoya hai humne tumne uska mol koi kya jaane!
Bas pal do pal ka saath kehte hain..
Takhir hui guzar jaane mein...

2008-02-28T00:33:00.003+05:30

Chahat ke nazmo ki dastaan likh chale hum
Apne hi lahu ki syahi se.
Reh gaye adhure lafz magar,
Tanhai ki teri duhai se.
Saaya hi saath chod gaya magar,
Ruk gayi na zindagani meri,
Chod gaye shayri ke nishan dhundle,
Jivan ke kore kagaz pe mere...

For my valentine...

2008-02-18T14:29:00.002+05:30

Like a rising sun painting my sky, colouring my hues and dusting off the night... You were born inside of me like the warmth within a fire.. Inseparable, destructive, and yet without doubt desired..

Aristotle Onassis

2007-10-14T22:39:00.001+05:30

After a certain point, money is meaningless. It ceases to be the goal. The game is what counts.

Find a priest who understands English and doesn't look like Rasputin.

I have no friends and no enemies - only competitors.

If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning.

It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.

The more you own, the more you know you don't own.

The secret of business is to know something that nobody else knows.

To succeed in business it is necessary to make others see things as you see them.

We must free ourselves of the hope that the sea will ever rest. We must learn to sail in high winds.

A wise man if there ever was such a thing!!! No wonder Jackie married him.. Get a clue guys really... I mean where HAVE all the men gone...

Just a thought...

2007-10-06T00:40:00.001+05:30

Life gets summed up in the four letter EIIE and in that order..

Evoke Involve Inspire Evolve

Women of the world, Unite! You have nothing to lose but your shackles!

2007-10-06T00:39:00.000+05:30

Bearing the sign of the cross
Has never been easy for the circle
Being branded with possibility in her lower body
Has never been easy for the woman
Layers and layers
Of the thickest maquillage or greasepaint
Still do not cover up
The grave imperfections of the gaze.
The gaze that follows her
The gaze that binds her
To make her stiletto
A limitation
To make her endowment
A source of hesitation.

Long has she borne
Every burden as her own
Long have these masses
Turned against her; their own.
Flesh and blood of hers
Is what they’re made of
And yet
She’s the one they condemn
At city squares they stone.

Suffer not in silence o woman
Believe!
Your shackles are lashes and whips
Crack them every which way you feel
You can make a difference
You can be the change
You created the world
Your end will be its end.

Shying away from yourself
Never was the answer
If your mother told you so
It was because she knew better.
Your body is your weakness
Your weakness is your strength
Come lay down your weapons
Your war doesn’t really need them.

Flying’s not the peacock’s job
Looking pretty’s not the emu’s
So says the law of the world
But never for a second think
It’s true!

Come,
Leave your men and children behind,
Your juicer and your toaster behind
Being in love is for teenagers
Sprout your wings
Let’s go fly!

The Lily's Pall

2007-10-06T00:37:00.000+05:30

While the mourners’ wails
Echo through the wind’s howls
Inconsolable voices rising from the shore
Taller peaks than the roaring waves
Consuming all in their unchangeable fate

The lily stands pale and white
Starkly against the morbid hues
Of the deal of death dealt out by life
Creeping icily up; freezing even fright.

The lily stands
Pale and white
Nobility or loss of sense
It’s hard to define.
My eyes dwell upon her loving gaze
That looks out over yonder haze.
Unsmiling yet in perfect peace
At the very rocks where
Her life ceased to breathe.
My own heart then skips a beat
Is this how life comes to be?

The lily stands there
Pala and white
As though in wait of a glorious fate
A life among the highest highs
Or as lovers great; a life denied.

The Evil of Man

2007-10-01T22:38:00.000+05:30

While oft I have lain,
Vacant of thought
Devoid of pain
There have been so many
Moments when
Comprehending
The evil of man
has been my aim

Full-blooded nights
Followed by torrential rain
Hell’s fury belittled
By the bosom storm
Like autumn leaves
Inhibitions shed
Graduating from grief to vengeance
As from the cradle to the bed

The Ages of Man
Have come and gone
Summer’s children
Come winter; they’re gone.
The light of a thousand suns
Fading my dark skin
Paling into insignificance, finally
Bowing to my sins.

Sneaky Ways- Part 2

2007-08-22T18:37:00.001+05:30

Graduation has little to do with formal education. It is about going from unemployed and broke to employed and broke.

Also akin to finally moving on from "Clueless" and Alicia Silverstone to "Legally Blonde" and Reese Witherspoon.

Attentive Creator.. Lol...

2007-07-14T15:31:00.000+05:30

Attentive Creator

Free yourself...

2007-05-07T18:00:00.001+05:30

Freedom is hostage to the idea of captivity. Sometimes subservience is so ingrained in our psyche that hostility to the idea of freedom is an unconscious decision our mind makes to legitimize the ways in which we pain ourselves. Human beings are the only animals who can find pleasure in not just inflicting pain on oneself but in fact subjecting themselves to it while all the time criticizing the world for undermining them. In fact, we are all captive to hypocrisy. Freedom is captive to human hypocrisy.

Absence of the Absolute

2007-05-07T16:48:00.002+05:30

Love never meant to explain itself to anyone. Taint seeps in when we try to explain it to ourselves, to justify or quantify it. The only source of redemption is to forgive without inhibition. However, absoluteness was a never a quality that nestled comfortably in the spectrum of human emotion.

Winter Fire

2007-05-01T11:41:00.002+05:30

Winter fire
Burning higher
Melting away my self control.
My hands are shaking,
A cold sweat's breaking
I have to move on now.

It came to me
Like a flash of light
In the middle of a dreary winter night

I thought I was a grown-up girl
Didn't ever think
These things were real

I'd moved on to a life of being alone
And then you came back to hold my hand
How can I be who I used to be
In the face of this hot winter fire.

I'd never thought it would be you
Never experienced this fantasy reel
But life is a ride, so says everyone
Winter fire engulfed me before I could breathe.

Winter fire's burning higher
I'm without control, I'm swerving now
I have to get off this road and find another
Another that's mine and can't be stolen.

Sneaky Ways-Part 1

2007-04-28T14:50:00.001+05:30

Hope is a marketing device for religion, a euphemism for loss and a manifestation of the desire that you may actually eventually get your way.

Campaign to make this a part of textbooks worldwide!!!

2007-04-28T14:39:00.001+05:30

I am a product of my actions and my exes' reactions!

I posted this as my state of mind for the day in my GTalk window and the reactions I got prompted me to put this on my blog!!

More on the subject will follow and boy oh boy! Can I wax eloquent on this subject or what!!!

Someday...

2007-04-23T17:11:00.000+05:30

Someday
I will know
What it's like
To be just who I want to be

Someday
I will have
Everything
That is meant to be mine

But sometimes
Someday like that
Seems so far away

Sometimes
When I close my eyes
I can't see
All that is to be

For I
Am the lonely queen
Of my life
Because I always keep
All those
Whom I should cherish
Far away

But no one can tell me what to do
Or what to think
Or whom to cherish
And whom to dislike

Because it's my life
My world
And someday
Maybe someday soon
I'll be able to tell the world out there
Just that

Someday
Someday soon
Dreams will be real
And I'll live in them
All the colours will be real
And I'll be alive
Life will be spring
And I'll be the butterfly

Someday
Someday soon
Maybe someday is tomorrow
But I won't know
Unless I live today
Don't know wat's going to happen
Someday!

I remember...

2007-04-21T13:02:00.001+05:30

Every moment that we lived our other life
Every second we breathed in each other's sighs
Everytime I saw the moon shine down on me
Everytime an orange light looked our way
Everytime a curious look fell on our intertwined hands
I remember

I remember
Each time I held back my sincere words of feeling
Each time I stopped myself from being
Someone I could never think of being
Each time I tried to understand all I couldn't help but feel
I remember

Now that I look back
At the point I had to let you go
I remember that it wasn't easy to say goodbye
I remember that you still had a hand to hold
And I held on to my destiny alone
I remember now

And yet it's so easy to forgive
So easy to give
Still a place for posterity
For you as
I remember

I remember now
And will for always remember
Reminisce and revive
Even sometimes in wonder

I have often thought
Whether what I remember
Will lose its colour
With the passage of forever
But for now
I remember

You, Us and all there is to remember....

Vincent (Starry Nights)

2007-03-04T17:19:00.000+05:30

Starry, starry night.
Paint your palette blue and grey,
Look out on a summer's day,
With eyes that know the darkness in my soul.
Shadows on the hills,
Sketch the trees and the daffodils,
Catch the breeze and the winter chills,
In colors on the snowy linen land.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

Starry, starry night.
Flaming flowers that brightly blaze,
Swirling clouds in violet haze,
Reflect in Vincent's eyes of china blue.
Colors changing hue, morning field of amber grain,
Weathered faces lined in pain,
Are soothed beneath the artist's loving hand.

Now I understand what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they did not know how.
Perhaps they'll listen now.

For they could not love you,
But still your love was true.
And when no hope was left in sight
On that starry, starry night,
You took your life, as lovers often do.
But I could have told you, Vincent,
This world was never meant for one
As beautiful as you.

Starry, starry night.
Portraits hung in empty halls,
Frameless head on nameless walls,
With eyes that watch the world and can't forget.
Like the strangers that you've met,
The ragged men in the ragged clothes,
The silver thorn of bloody rose,
Lie crushed and broken on the virgin snow.

Now I think I know what you tried to say to me,
How you suffered for your sanity,
How you tried to set them free.
They would not listen, they're not listening still.
Perhaps they never will...

- Don McLean

It's Time...

2007-03-04T17:00:00.000+05:30

It's time, I know...

To go home now,
To shut the door;
And move on now.

But I pray to thee!

To wait a while!

Maybe only until...

The irises shine.

Black and white.
They look at me
As if they know,
what is inside me.

Pray wait awhile!

Pray wait with me!

If only until the moonlight shines again..

Upon your sweet face,
Turned down at me.

As you look at me,
with moistened eyes.

Pray wait for me!
Pray wait awhile!

It's only a matter of time,

Don't move on now.

Though the warmth says you must go...

It's only a matter of time until the mist returns..

Wait, wait awhile!

It's only a matter of time..

The darkness will hide us again!

To be or not to be that is the question!

2007-02-13T19:53:00.002+05:30

First of all, my apologies to the litterati for all those punctuation errors in the title tag.... But my aim here is to make my politically incorrect point and not to be tied down by the rules of language. In any case, my dilemma which is an age old dilemma faced by women the world over is a crazy mish mash of romanticism that is a part of our socialization during our upbringing which involves a lot of princes dressed in white riding on pristine ponies saving the maid from an unknown devil which has been tormenting her since birth(metaphors for parents and teachers and all those childhood bogey men, not that I had any of those...) But yes anyway, I'm talking about that agonizing time before you find out which one of the men is the one or IF at all any of them is the one.... There I finally got it out after all that confusion and chaotic writing, I have the principal card on the table.

So at the risk of being ostracised by my exes, I'd like to put my chaos on air for all to see. You see, I've always been pretty old school, very propah in some ways and a pariah in many others. I've always had very strict ideas about the dirty linen and soiled sanitary napkins(sic!). But about my love! life.. It's been out there for all to see and to discuss. Yes, I've even known it to be dinner table and cocktail conversation for many. Why? Because I'm not the kind who keeps everything under wraps. I love to share my happiness with the world. If I'm happy more likely than not you'll know it(unless I really don't like you, maybe even then you will, you see people can't resist a sob story!). So under such circumstances, it is very very necessary to understand whether your crush is crushing back (eew sorry I got that off a horrible teen website, but that's immaterial!).Because if you don't there is a very strong likelihood of looking like a complete fool/falling flat on your face. And since I'm not accustomed to either, I don't want a first.

Which is why I'm writing this in the first place.

You see my life is completely flooded with men just now... And I'm not exactly sure of which way I should direct the wind and make it blow.. Should it be the most probable way or the opposite direction or should I make it go where it had intended to go before it turned or should I just leave it be.

November 2008: Then and Now...

I let it be... I came through... :) There's nothing more sacrosanct than love. I mocked it at every step of life. I told myself I didn't care. But I do! I did! I always will! Pray when will we stop kidding ourselves about love? It is in the end, after all, all there is.... :)

Plato!

2007-01-30T20:22:00.002+05:30

“Searching and learning is a process of remembering…………… and I, believing this to be true, am ready to search with you what virtue is.”
 Plato,
Meno 81d

Touche!

For my poor girlfriends!

2007-01-30T19:57:00.001+05:30

For all my girlfriends who agonize over their boyfriends... Here's a lil something darlings!!!

All women think they know what men really want. All of them believe they know what men want just because they’ve been ditched by some airhead (also read as airhead or sniffling idiot) or handed out a rough sentence sometime in life by a man.

Their assumption of what men want is the following:

1) Topping the list is obviously the usual; SEX
2) A bunch of equally desperate nutheads to hang out with.
3) Free alcohol.
4) Good hair! (Oops, I can almost hear the guys say, Ouch!)
5) A beach house in Goa.

But hey, guess what when I was given this assignment, I did what people seldom do. I THOUGHT!
I asked myself, “What do men really want?”
And that prompted me to go on an ‘ask-all-your-guy-friends-about-it’ spree.
I did encounter loads of quizzical expressions and half-joking replies and even some raised eyebrows when some guys tried to size-up my intentions.(Ha ha at that!) But at the end of it all, I finally got the elusive answer to what men really want.

And guess what! It’s not very different from what you and I want (and I mean the chicks.)
So here goes the result of some painstaking albeit fun research.

What men really want:
1) A successful and pretty wife.
2) A good career. (Also read as MONEY)
3) Fame/ Recognition.
4) A good set of friends.
5) Regular road trips and a great car tied for this spot.

Well, This is exactly what every metropolitan girl (like yours truly) wants. So, I guess that just sort of puts the guys in the clear. Way to go guys. I knew you’d be vindicated some day.

(P.S.: What women really need though is to get over themselves and get a life instead of agonizing over what men really want!)

Apni Paathshala!

2007-01-30T19:44:00.002+05:30

Hope is a state of mind, not of the world. Hope, in this deep and powerful sense, is not the same as joy that things are going well, or willingness to invest in enterprises that are obviously heading for success, but rather an ability to work for something because it is good.-Vaclav Havel

There are ways of thinking and there are means of doing. This applies to everything that we wish to achieve but have shelved for lack of time or effort. One concept that is always sacrificed at the altar of personal gain is the initiative to make a difference to the condition of the world today. The same appalling state of affairs that is now fashionable to balk at in dinner table conversations. Strapped safely into our jaded, cynical lives that is. So what are you doing for your world today? Why your world, your country or your neighbourhood for that matter? Only questions you say? No answers? No point in that eh? Well here goes then!

What I believe we need to do, is to educate one child at least and motivate that child to live, to create the truly wonderful thing that children are capable of creating in their lives; meaning. How often have we rolled our windows up in disdain at the shabby appearance of the boy selling flowers at the traffic signal or muttered something about pity or worse yet asked him, “Aye yeh sab kya karta hai, school jana chahiye!”? Don’t even bother answering that. But give it a thought.

In other episodes, we may have very graciously given clothes our children have grown out of to the children we see walking around close to the building. We believe we have done our good deed for the day and in some way improved their lives. But how do these mindless acts of so-called charity contribute to their lives? DO you really believe that these children care how they’re dressed? Well maybe in a superficial sense they do but what they really want is to be acknowledged as a success story, not a statistic! They want to be known by their names, live in houses like you and I, have a family to live with. That’s what they really want and need.

So why can’t we with all our haloed existences provide this kind of environment to one child? All we’re talking about is some time and even lesser money. But a lot of will; will to not give up in the face of the child’s resistance to your efforts to make contact with him or her. Most of these children, by this time in their lives, have seen things more scary than people like us will see in a lifetime. They develop a natural mistrust of people and refuse to believe that good does indeed exist somewhere in the world and that not everyone has ulterior motives behind giving them an opportunity to do something.

The statistics with reference to destitute children in India belong to the Stone Age. While one may endeavour to do something positive for these children, one doesn’t even know the extent of this problem. Thankfully, child labour laws have been revised to extend childhood to the age of 18. But this has also been done in a fashion that has affected the children adversely as many of them were then employed by employers as illegal workers and hence paid much less.

So what can you do? Take the time out for one child. Just one person more in the crazy scheme of your life. DO something! Don’t just sit there, look on and wonder what’s wrong with our world. Maybe, just maybe, YOU are the problem!

Note: To all those who felt even a twinge of emotion as you read this, the BMM class of 2007 ran a program in their first year called “Paathshala” that was a summer school for destitute children who live around the college. This project was privately funded by sponsorship garnered from a major corporation in the city. The program was a huge success and also contributed tremendously to the personal careers of several students (including, yours truly). However, the program was discontinued because of lack of initiative and left the children high and dry. But in the course of conducting the program we discovered that the children had a lot of potential to make it where we have and more. Very often, I’m asked by those children, “Didi, school kab chalu hoga?” and I have to look into their hopeful eyes and feel distraught and say that I have no idea, probably never. But YOU can change this! You can make Paathshala happen again. You can make it a reality, an institution, an initiative, an effort. You can make it anything you want it to be. You can make it yours. Do any of you have it in you? To dream? To create? If you do, I’m calling out to you to reach within you to make this happen. If you feel you can do it, I believe in you and trust me you’ll be glad you did.

Shirley

2007-01-26T18:09:00.002+05:30

It was 14 years today. Fourteen years since we’d got Tubby. Tubby was a puppy then. He’s a big dog now. Nothing’s changed in this house since. Nothing at all except….

The walls which were once white are now an indistinct shade of yellow still spattered with long-dried drops of blood. The plants which were once green are now a fossilized cursory reminder that they hung there. The house which was once full of a bustling population of 14 people is now a haunted shell with a ghastly aura. It was fourteen years today”, I thought to myself.

How long does it take to forget that your whole family once visualized its life here? That you once had a whole houseful of people where you were a mere non-entity? What does it feel like to be the survivor, the chosen one?

I’m Shirley, Shirley Bernstein, sorry to sound so Bond-like but I’ve always wanted to be able to say it like that. Have I been thinking aloud again? I’m sorry for blabbering on like that without telling you what I was talking about. You see it’s just this place that gets to me. I’ve lived here ever since they took me away from my house. And good riddance I’d say. They never even remembered me there. It’s nice here. Airy, warm, comfortable. You just have to press a button to let them know you want something. But there’s something I don’t like around here. They all whisper around me. I wonder why. There’s always this hushed silence. I have neighbors though. Lots of them. Twenty on this floor alone they say. I don’t know how they are though. Sometimes, when they make a lot of noise, those awful blue men have to come to make them be quiet. An unholy cacophony, my mother would’ve said. She always said Mark was a nice boy. He never made any noise or messed around like the other kids. I never paid any attention to her. There are no favourites around here. Sometimes I think they don’t like any of us. Sometimes, I think. Actually I think it’s just me. I think too much, they tell me. I should rest more often. My mother never knew that. It was always Sherry do this, Sherry do that. I hated even the sound of that name. That was the only time she ever noticed me. How I hated all of them each and every one of them. They tell me I torched 12, Cherry Tree lane. Mighty funny thing to say: torched. Humpf! What do they know about anything? I liked Nina. She was a little doll then. Only 8 months old. I would’ve liked to get her out of the inferno but those ghastly Smiths next door. They didn’t let me. Maybe it was her fate, maybe she deserved it. Maybe she’d tortured someone else somewhere.

Bang, bang! “Do you have any justification to offer in defence of your actions?”

I hadn’t said anything then. But then they knew everything. The judge was looking at me with my mother’s eyes.

“We all get what we deserve in the end. Ashes to ashes, dust to dust.” That’s what my mother would’ve said.

The judge said, “Guilty!”

If I had just one more chance....

2007-01-12T16:35:00.000+05:30

If I had just one more chance
I would go back to where I was
Before I strayed.
I've had my share of speaking
I've had my say
And who would've thought
Realization
Would come so soon this way.
I'd never thought that I would ever be
SO full of apology.

The sun is already coming up
But inside it feels like midnight
Without even the reassuring
Dim light of the moon in sight.

It's been a long time...
Since I last put my head on your chest
Felt your breath heave in and out.
Been a longer time
Since I've been your shoulder
To rest your day on.

All those moments
Which I reasoned were forever
Seem like
They were never
Yours or mine to keep...
Oh! If only I had just one more chance....

To Infinity and Beyond!

2007-01-08T16:09:00.001+05:30

For You....

I only have to close my eyes and I can see

How you intend to take me farther than I can see

To infinity and beyond, my love

Maybe beyond the ends of the earth

Unfathomable but true

Is how I feel for you

Unknowing and perhaps uncaring

About what I need from you

But I don't have to worry

For you remember what I need

You fulfill my dreams, even before

I close my eyes to dream

Oh! For the light of day to never come

So the beauty of our souls

Shines only with the light inside

A love that the world hasn't known

I couldn't have thought I'd wait so long

So hard or even so longingly

For you to come back and soon

For you to run to me

Every second I have with you

Is something that God gave to me

A favour in return for

A little goodness I hope to do

I wish for the dream to never end

I wish to wish to go to infinity

To the end.....

For You....

Strangers

2006-12-10T15:19:00.000+05:30

I walked past him in the street many times
Never really remembered what he looked like
Never gave him a second thought as I blazed
My way past most things good and bad in life
I was happy I was sad
But mostly I was just in my own land
Never bothering to look at strangers twice
Without malice without spite
Like a butterfly on a leaf
The sun was shining
Life was sweet
And I was flitting along
Every second every week
Then one day....
Things just changed and made it so
I sat up and had to know
What it was that changed my life
And that's when
The stranger caught my eye
I'd been happy I'd been pleased
Life was special
Life was sweet
But I had been flying past it
And it was then that I just knew
I had to stop and still construe
What every second in life meant
And how beautiful it was
To become another's piece of art
The glint in someone's eye
The look you'd give up all for and die
To have the colours filled in you
Till you became life-like and oh so true
Till you'd think of nothing else
But how you missed the stranger until then
And I became complete!

You complete me!

Thank you for everything!

Lucerne!

2006-12-09T20:33:00.000+05:30

Untitled, Unnamed!

2006-12-09T20:22:00.000+05:30

It's hard to think
To breathe even
With the clutter of thoughts
And noise even
Mundanities
Fighting for space
Idiocities
Belonging solely to the human race
Poetry will have to wait
While I rant and rave
About selfish desires
I have no need to have.
Human beings have a quality
No other species deigned to have
The ability to self-destruct
In want of all things but
What they already possess
Looks less shiny
Than what beckons to them
From another's kitty.
Call it temptation
Call it sin
Call it illicit
Call it a whim
But our fancies lead us
To break our own rules
And the already fragile
Realm of our dunes
Those gentle slopes
Become craggy edges
As they beckon us
To let ourselves fall over
At such a time only
When we're truly lost and lonely
There comes the hand of one
Which we think pushes us over
That hand my friend
Is but the one which
Lets you get a taste
Of how bad it can be
And bails you out also
When you see
How treacherous
The sea below can be.
Deem not that hand
As evil then
But think instead
Of how you'd be lost
If you weren't held
Weren't tied together
By the one true reason of life
That which is simply,
Love Divine

Genius

2006-06-16T00:57:00.001+05:30

Genius! The word used to conjure visions of 100 percent scores in mental math classes and an absolute stunning proficiency in something as boring and unwonderful and markedly adult such as chess... I mean a genius wouldnt even use a word like unwonderful in the colourless existence attributed to geniuses in my juvenile mind...

But I guess the meanings, contexts and environs attached to every word change with time and the situation of life we are in that is our maturity...

Why am I saying this?

Because today I read somethingabout a person I knew a long time ago in life... A person I thought was a genius because he scored such brilliant marks at the school finishing exams and was the apple of everyone's eye... Oh he's going to be special one day was the common consensus on the subject... And I thought yeah well its just the marks... Anybody could do that if they tried hard enough... Such was the thinking of my childlike mind....

But the truth is there is such a thing as a person who just hones his/her mental skills better than all of us put together. Partly maybe because they try hard enough and partly because they can...

I used to believe writing is a skill as far divorced from math as possible.. I mean it was always one or the other... Either you could write or you could do math... But you know what there are people who can do both as well??

And then the ultimate bastion of marked intelligence is that they can play a good game of chess.. How do you compete with that?

The answer is you don't... Some people just are better than others... I think it is such people who stop us from taking ourselves too seriously. The belief that we could do what we want to do if only we pushed ourselves hard enough.. But if we're so complacent about our potential then why are we not exhibiting it more often.. Because somewhere deep inside, we're not sure we can push ourselves that far and not snap...

That is not to say that all the guys who did well in school are the true geniuses who will build the future of India (or Amreeka, as may be the case) or even their own future for that matter...

But truly there are people who have an aptitude for engineering and an interest in medicine and who succeed a hundred percent even when they do medicine.... And they can write well, they speak well... And to top it all, guess what, they can play chess too!!!

Ashes to Ashes, Dust to Dust

2006-06-08T23:35:00.000+05:30

Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust
Unbelieveable truths
A flash of time
Life shocking us
In all its suddenness
Defining what we think
In the midst of all the mess
A moment of lucidity
And darkness again.

So much to think about
So many hills to climb
Just one moment of victory
For the thousand hours in time
Spent in thinking
Spent in building
A castle of my dreams
Which exists only in my mind.

The page is turned
And a new dawn comes
Heralding a new victor
A new age in time;
My castle is relegated
To its place of creation
The only place it ever existed
Deep within my mind.

Forced into subjugation
To accept the truth
To know the law of the Just
Ashes to Ashes
Dust to Dust.

A Stray Story- Short Story

2006-04-03T20:57:00.001+05:30

Three little kids in floppy straw hats pattered across the green lawn towards a young teenager sprawled in a hammock.
The girl in the hammock smiled to herself and then let out a sigh at being shaken out of her reverie. She had been thinking thoughts such as only 18 year olds could think. Seemingly naughty thoughts about a favorite boy and blushing at the thought of the time He spoke to her. How the world seemed to narrow down to that time and place. How if she wanted to, she could actually remember the moment down to its final detail.

Oh, bother! There were the kids two girls aged all of ten years and a kid brother 8 years old arguing in the usual girls vs. boys way whether snakes could fly. She put down her book and sat up to mediate the issue with all the wisdom of an 18-yr old as they brought the matter to her to sort out.

An old blue van was making its way down the driveway. It screeched to a halt in front of the oddly placed vegetable garden, throwing up clouds of dust that set all four of them off coughing and the argument over the snakes was forgotten.

It was 1986. It was bad enough being a single young woman and that too one saddled with 3 siblings to care for. She was the only one who still had a vivid memory of her parents walking out on them. Her mother Jan was a deranged woman addicted to everything she could possibly be addicted to by the time she became an adult. The only reason she didn’t get into trouble with the law was her sweet angelic face that fooled even the toughest jurors. Ha! She sadly thought. Yeah right, sweet and angelic. Only she knew what lay behind the mask. A cold, demonic character who’d always whizzed into her life just long enough to leave her latest offspring in Dorothy’s care. Dorothy was her first-born but not her first child conceived. Jan’s mother had always prevailed on her to abort the earlier fetuses. She’d have been only too happy to do the same to Dorothy; only she figured it out a little too late. Her mother threw her out as soon as she knew about it. Dorothy often wondered if it would have been different if her grandmother had reacted differently but then decided against it. Jan was already too far-gone to get back to normalcy but then there was always Providence.

Now her arms went cold as she saw Sheriff get out of the blue van. Her grim face closed to scrutiny or even mere exploration. It was always a bad sign when she looked like that. She wondered what it was this time. As far as she remembered, the bills were all paid up and the mortgage was only one installment behind. It couldn’t possibly be about money.

Sheriff Mae Rakeson walked towards the four with a very determined gait. Even then all she could think was, “Look at their faces. How am I ever going to break it to them?” and thought for the tenth time, “God, I hate this job. But then better me than anyone else.”

“Good afternoon, Dorothy. How are you all doing?”

“Well Sheriff, you’re obviously not here to ask me when the potatoes are coming out; so, what’s up?”

“You’re damn right I’m not. Dotty, it’s Jan. They found her on the pier last night. She’d overdosed on some pure stuff going around in the market these days.”

Dorothy hated the woman, didn’t she? Then why was it feeling like her world was about to come crashing down. She saw 8-year old Steven’s eyes as round as saucers and Steffie and Mary’s sullen expressions that seemed to have ‘bugger off’ stamped across.

“So”, continued Sheriff Mae, “Jan was your legal parent and guardian and the only reason why you didn’t go into foster care. Now since you have no fixed close guardian, you will be split up and sent to various temporary institutions.”

“No”, exclaimed Dorothy. “You can’t split us up. We’re each other’s strength. Can’t I adopt them? I mean get to keep all of them?”

Mae looked at her for a minute as if she was queer in the head but just before she opened her mouth to reply, the gravity of what Dorothy had said struck her and she considered it for real. She bit her lip and wondered whether it could be arranged. It had never been done before. Never had it happened that a person had been entrusted with the responsibility of his or her siblings. It was a first and it could be done but could she find a judge and a jury who would agree to it?

Finally, she opened her mouth to answer Dorothy. “ It could be done, Dotty. I’m with you all the way.”

Dorothy did not answer. She just stared on with an unremitting fire blazing in her eyes and her cheeks.

Mae walked away quickly.

Living in the ghetto had not put the edge into Dorothy West. The kind-faced old judge thought to herself. “She’s barely a child herself. I hope she knows what she’s getting into.”

“Dorothy West, do you think you will be able to care for and provide for these three young children?”

“Yes, I do without a doubt. I would know of all the people, Your Honour. I’ve brought them up and made them even this big. Our parents haven’t really been around too often. In fact our fathers not at all, our mother dropped in once in a while.”

Judge Gordon saw the steely glint in her eyes and the resolve in her voice to protect her blood was primal. She saw that if there was anywhere the kids would assuredly be happy, it was with her. God knows she deserved it.

“ By the power vested in me, I hereby declare that Dorothy West is given guardianship of Steven Ray West, Stephanie Nicole West and Mary Giselle West for a probationary period of three months after which an evaluation will take place and the permanence will be determined.”

That seemed like a long time ago. Dorothy West lay on her feathered bed now, covered by layers of down. Her skin drooped from her bones like a turkey’s. Steven, Steffie and Mary sat by her side and looked at her. She thought how beautiful they looked. It was an old woman’s perspective now though. And then she forever closed her eyes. She had a bone to pick with Someone Up There an she was going to Him, safe in the knowledge that she had made three lives possible.

Eternity!- Short Story

2006-04-03T20:55:00.001+05:30

“Watch out for that…..”, came the cry as the reporter backed up farther and farther towards the green grass. “No one’s allowed to step on madam’s lawns and the grass”, said the stiff maid in the starched black dress to the reporter. Hordes of people stood along the long, winding road that led to Gordon House. All those who’d come to bow their heads for a last time to the great lady.

“Elizabeth Burke died in her sleep this morning. She was a woman of millions and for millions. She was unmarried and has died heirless and intestate. Speculation is rife about where the millions will be invested or whether they will be used to fund some of her favoured charities…..”, the reporter was saying.

People milled around, gawked at what was around them, most of them being first time visitors to the place. Everyone who was anyone was giving interviews to the press. In the midst of all this, no one noticed the gaunt old man standing on the grass in gardener’s clothes, holding a weathered brown hat in his hand. His oldness and dried, weather-beaten skin stuck out like a sore thumb on the vast expanse of green richness.

He stood there thinking, going back in time. In his mind’s eye, he only saw the young pretty girl whom he’d loved, whose hand he’d held as she became a woman, whom he’d stood by while she buried her family one by one, who grew into a magnificent, grand old woman who changed people’s lives, a woman who’d walked with him all the way on the grass they’d lovingly sown and made sure no one else tread on it, a woman who loved him and he her without doubt and question.

In all the confusion, no one noticed him as he walked up to her open casket, laid a single yellow flower on it and whispered softly in a voice only she and her angels could hear, “I won’t be long, Elizabeth, I won’t be long.”

The mystery of life!

2006-04-02T23:11:00.000+05:30

Mysteries, mysteries, mysteries, galore.

What is the rhythm life runs on?

Who decides what life will be?

Who decides what life is?

What is life?

What is illusion?

Why do we exist?

What is the good reason?

It plagues my heart,

And plunders my soul;

The burden of the questions,

I have asked here before.

Every minute, every second,

I breathe, I ask.

Why amI chosen,

For the breath I pass?

Why can I breathe;

Reaffirm my life,

While someone, somewhere is deprived of it?

In one moment,

Two lives change.

Mine, moves on,

And another is stilled.

Why am I special?

Or am I really, now?

Or am I paying for my sins

By just being what I am?

And how!

Moving On...

2006-04-02T22:52:00.000+05:30

No one to ask.

No one to tell.

How it came to be,

What I fail to understand.

You've moved on

And I'm still here.

How it came to be

And how there's no fear.

Only the knowledge;

Of Uncertainty.

Of what I shall never know.

Of how it is so simple,

For you to say "Here I go."

And why it's so hard

For me to believe it's really so.

My heart's still in one piece,

Because it's still with you.

You've gone away

And I'm still here.

You took what was yours,

You took your heart away.

Leave me, my love!

Let go, my life!

But it's strange,

Though they're linked,

Life still resides

In the empty shell

That's me.

An excuse for poetry.

A verse, an attempt,

To see if what Jane Austen said,

Is for real or make believe,

Like everything else I've ever seen!

p.s.: What Jane Austen said in her book "Pride & Prejudice" was:-

Elizabeth: " I wonder who first discovered the efficacy of poetry in driving away love."

Darcy: "I have been used to consider poetry as the food of love."

Elizabeth: "Of a fine stout, healthy love it may be. Everything nourishes what is strong already. But if it only be a slight, thin sort of inclination, I am convinced that one good sonnet willstarve it entirely away."

A classic if you ask me!

Love Divine!

2006-04-02T22:44:00.000+05:30

A thousand words,

A thousand times.

Yet everyday,

Is a brand new time.

No matter how,

I look at it

No matter how,

I consider it;

What's inside of me,

Is love divine;

Pure and Simple,

With gleen and shine;

Bearing testimony

Of every moment

We've shared and cared

And lived alike.

Our soul is one,

Our lives are two

No matter what

Or how we do

We shall remain

Forever one

In each other's hearts

Or atleast one

In my timeless thoughts

They call it memories

We shall remain

The way we are.

And when I look back

In wonder then;

At the way we were

And find again

That what's inside me,

Is love divine

Pure and Simple

And still,

With gleen and shine!

Stop... and think..

2006-03-28T18:44:00.001+05:30

The phenomenon of suicide among the youth

Being suicidal is not uncommon or wrong. Choosing to actually commit suicide is.

Quite a strong statement to begin with. I know. But let’s just be honest with each other for once. Me as the author and you as the reader. Let’s not be judgmental already. Life is as it is series of hard choices to make. Some of us do make the wrong choices and they’re entitled to them. Everyone makes mistakes after all. But consider this for a bit before you pass a judgment or decide what to think.

“Suicide is an attempt to seek relief. Relief is a feeling. And you can only feel a feeling if you are alive.” You can’t feel a thing if you choose to die instead. A lot of us at some point of time have felt so miserable or helpless in life that suicide seemed like the easiest option out. And those who are reading this have obviously made the correct choice and have learnt huge lessons about hope and faith and healing.

Why does “Failure is a stepping stone to success.” have to remain a line we learnt and forgot about in school? It’s a rhetoric question and the point is it doesn’t have to be. Failure and loss are passing phases. If you didn’t do well enough in your exams, it probably means that you didn’t study hard enough. If a love affair didn’t work out then it probably means that the person didn’t really care about you as much as you thought they did. If it’s a life and death matter then one must understand its part of the deal we make when we are born: to handle such occurrences maturely. You can choose to revel in a person’s memories than to die in their wake. Giving your life will not ease the pain of losing someone and nor will it bring back the person you lost. It will only be a cause for more concern and pain.

Instead, talk about your pain; share what you feel with another. Maybe another person went through what you did and may help you deal with it. Not everyone is prejudiced against suicidal thoughts. Forget about stigmas for a while and see a therapist. People around you who think you’re a bit tweaked are fools. They are the kind who thought Galileo and Pascal were mad. Make your life your prime concern. Make living your prime goal. Dissatisfaction is a state of mind. Get over it. Get over yourself. Look at the bigger picture. Find something fulfilling to do. Cut your losses and get out of any and every hurtful situation you may be in. And last but not the least, count your blessings; you’ve probably had more good things happen to you than a lot of people have. You’re much better off than the dying, hungry children in Somalia. Think about it. Consider the fact that someone loved you enough to give birth to you. You owe it to them to live.
Live, I say!
Breathe!
The world is your oyster; gleam!
For you are the pearl!

And here I rest my case.

You're not alone!

2006-03-28T18:38:00.001+05:30

Lost

A face in a million,
And I walk by myself.
A life like a zillion,
And I live by myself.
A poet unlike anyone,
My words don’t make sense,
Anguish is a marker
Despair is another
I see myself in bits and pieces,
I see myself in other faces,
I see myself in every grimace,
I see myself whenever you cry,
I’m your sadness,
I’m your tears,
I’m the sum of all your secret fears.

This is dedicated to all the tons of young people who live by themselves; away from their families.. You're not alone you know.. Don't be.. Suicide is some thing i feel very strongly against.. Please talk to someone before you decide to do anything drastic.. And if you ever feel you that life handed you the worst deal, close your eyes and think about children in Somalia.. You're better off you know..

Riverbend's Pain!

2006-03-28T18:02:00.001+05:30

Pain prompts one to write. The world has seen all kind of writing because of pain ranging from suicide notes to ballads about heartbreak. It's all a person's personal pain on paper. How often does someone else's pain prompt one to write?

Wel, I don't know about you but today I want to write that I am capable of feeling the pain of another individual wholly unconnected with me and my situation in life... I want to write about a fellow blogger.. Riverbend, the author of Baghdad Burning...

I feel her pain..

It stumps me, how is it in the capacity of an individual to defile another individual's whole life for a selfish benefit.. Are we really that blinded by our own capital interests..

Beats me how a certain man or a lot of men in history for that matter fail to realize that people of a civilization have a history, a culture, a lifestyle which you have no right to disturb in any fashion, just because you deem fit and you are in a position of power to do so? Or are you trying to deem them uncivilized anyway and that it doesn't matter any which way you treat them because they've had worse..

Mr. Bush, imagine being fast asleep in your bed one night and suddenly waking up to find a soldier holding a gun to your head and another 10 surrounding your house.. There is an entire internationa community and a self-sufficient local community which is ready to bear responsibility of a senile old despotic leader.. You do not need to misuse your power to use it as a pretext to intrude into their homes and not just impede but infact make impossible their development as an individual country...

I allege that you did it just for the oil.. I suppose now the next thing is that Iraqi citizens should be grateful to you for al you've done for them.. And suppose for a second even if they were, there are almost 700 American mothers who will never forgive you for wilfully urdering their sons.. As Commander-in-Chief, you were responsible for them and their well being.. You betrayed a lot of confidences just to settle old scores..

Millions homeless.. Dying of either your bullets oryour mismanagement.. And you still got re-elected.. Pride comes before a fall.. I learnt that in primary school.. I dont suppose you ever went there Mr. Bush? Because if you had, you would also have learnt humanity and to feel another's pain..

I'd always thought it in the capacity of only content individuals to be able to be concerned about another's pain.. But as I've realised that's not true.. My life is not perfect.. Far from it in fact but look at her... Look at the way she lives.. Look at the way the population of Somalia lives.. Look at the way people live in villages in Orissa.. Suddenly my life is not that bad you.. My largest complaint for today is that I'm never going to be able to afford a Harvard education.. But look outside.. More than half the children in this world are not ever going to receive primary education forget the kind of chilhood i had..

Feel pain which is not yours for a change.. Change.. Be the Change..

News and Views

2005-12-03T12:43:00.001+05:30

Hello everyone,

I'm Pranoti Surve. I'm a mass media student from St. Xavier's College, Mumbai. I guess I've been slow on the uptake as far as blogging has been concerned. The picture's me in a nutshell.(Minus the kilos of course.) That's genuinely how i spend a lot of my time. SO yeah I've gotta run now. Creating these damn things takes so long that all creativity is quelled by then. Catch u later and yeah happy browsing. Thank you for dropping by. Anyone is free to air any opinion they'd like to here. Its a free for all. Let the games begin!